KORNDOG-

“When I first tried Crankcase, I was a little skeptical. But I’m here to tell you, Crankcase is the real deal. When I first used it, I walked outside and was instantly surrounded by 4 swimsuit models who were attracted to the scent. One of them asked for a ride on my motorcycle. As we were cruising along, a drop of the beard oil found its way to my air intake. My bike did a wheelie a mile long at 840 miles an hour, and I felt like a Rock Star On a Centaur! Even the old Vikings of long ago were resurrected and came to pay homage to me. “My axe is yours, oh magnificent one” they said. Together we vanquished our enemies and then decided to try being pirates for a day. I put some more beard oil on, and it started raining gold coins onto the deck of my ship. The ocean itself turned to pure Caribbean Rum all around the ship, and the wind was in our sails at whatever direction I wanted it to be. And the models really enjoyed how smooth and silky my beard was. This is the perfect beard oil for bikers or pirates.”